God’s Wisdom for Children: Obedience and Honor in the Parent-Child Relationship

God’s Wisdom for Children: Obedience and Honor in the Parent-Child Relationship

In a world overflowing with parenting advice—over 80,000 books on Amazon, countless podcasts, blogs, and articles—it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Each resource offers its own take on the “ultimate goal” of parenting, from fostering self-esteem to balancing discipline and play. Yet, amidst this noise, the Bible provides clear, timeless guidance. Ephesians 6:1-3 speaks directly to children, calling them to obey and honor their parents, a command rooted in God’s design for flourishing relationships.

The passage begins, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Paul, the author, addresses children directly, a rare occurrence in Scripture, emphasizing two key verbs: obey and honor. Obedience relates to actions, while honor reflects attitude. Together, they form the foundation of a child’s relationship with their parents, aligning with God’s broader framework of submission and authority introduced in Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Obedience, though, is countercultural. Modern society often prioritizes assertiveness and self-expression over submission. We’re told to encourage children to speak their minds, but rarely to teach them to obey. Yet, obedience doesn’t come naturally. Children, like all of us, are born with a self-centered bent, prioritizing their own comfort and desires. Proverbs 20:11 observes, “Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright.” A child who is never taught to obey may seem “cute” at three, but by fifteen, unchecked self-centeredness can become destructive.

Biblical obedience, however, is specific. It’s not blind or robotic but occurs “in the Lord,” meaning it aligns with God’s will. Parents are not permitted to demand sinful behavior or abuse their authority. Instead, they’re called to raise children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Within this context, obedience is practical: if parents set an 8:30 bedtime, children should comply. If told to pick up toys, they should do so promptly.

In our home, we define obedience with three components: all the way, right away, and with a happy heart. “All the way” means completing the task fully—no half-measures. “Right away” demands immediate action, not dawdling. Parents who count to three before enforcing a command inadvertently teach children they can delay obedience without consequence. Finally, “with a happy heart” emphasizes attitude. A child who complies but does so with resentment misses the mark. Obedience isn’t about rigid compliance but about cultivating a heart that trusts parental authority.

This doesn’t mean children can’t appeal respectfully. A child might say, “Mom, can I finish this video before turning off my tablet?” Parents should consider such requests thoughtfully, but once a decision is made, the child is expected to obey. This balance teaches children to respect authority while fostering open communication.

Honoring parents, the second command, goes beyond actions to attitude. Ephesians 6:2-3 quotes the Fifth Commandment: “Honor your father and mother…that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Honor involves respect and reverence, laying the groundwork for respecting other authorities and people’s rights. In ancient Israel, dishonoring parents was a grave offense, sometimes punishable by death (Exodus 21:15, 17). While such punishments no longer apply, the principle remains: disrespecting parents fosters a broader disregard for authority, leading to chaos.

Paul ties honor to a promise: a life that “goes well” and is “long in the land.” This isn’t a guarantee of a century-long life but a general principle. Obedient children avoid many dangers—sin, reckless choices—that could shorten or disrupt their lives. Parents, with their greater experience, provide boundaries that keep children within a “circle of blessing,” where obedience and honor invite God’s favor.

The consequences of rebellion are stark. In 1 Samuel 2, Eli’s sons, described as “worthless,” disregarded their father and God, leading to their death and the capture of the Ark of the Covenant. Their story is a sobering reminder of the cost of unchecked disobedience. Conversely, children who repent and return to obedience can experience restoration. Jesus’ sacrifice covers the sin of rebellion, offering forgiveness and a path back to God’s blessing.

God’s design is clear: parents are appointed for a child’s good and God’s glory. Though imperfect, parents are uniquely equipped to guide their children. For children struggling with rebellion, the call is to repent, seek forgiveness, and trust God’s plan. By obeying and honoring their parents, children not only experience harmony at home but also prepare for a life of respecting authority and living under God’s blessing.