Raising Children with God’s Wisdom: A Reflection on Ephesians 6:4
Raising Children with God’s Wisdom: A Reflection on Ephesians 6:4
Parenting is one of life’s most profound responsibilities, and Scripture offers timeless guidance for navigating its challenges. In Ephesians 6:4, Paul provides a concise yet powerful directive for parents: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This verse encapsulates God’s wisdom for raising children, emphasizing the dual call to avoid harmful provocation and to nurture children with godly discipline and instruction. Let’s unpack this guidance and explore its practical implications for parents today.
Paul begins by addressing fathers, underscoring their primary role as spiritual leaders in the family. While mothers are vital partners in parenting, Paul highlights fathers because God designed them to bear the primary responsibility for leading their households. This doesn’t mean fathers act alone—mothers, teachers, and others play essential roles—but fathers are called to be actively engaged, not passive or absentee. Practically, this means fathers must be involved in decisions about discipline, education, and activities. They cannot delegate their role to their spouse or others and expect to fulfill God’s design. A father who comes home, disengages, and blames his wife for the children’s behavior misses the mark. Instead, fathers are to take up the mantle of leadership with enthusiasm, guiding their children with love and intentionality.
The first part of Paul’s instruction is a caution: “Do not provoke your children to anger.” This doesn’t mean parents should avoid discipline or never upset their children. Discipline is necessary, and children, especially teenagers, may express frustration regardless of a parent’s actions. However, parents must avoid actions that unnecessarily fuel anger. Lou Priolo’s book The Heart of Anger lists 25 ways parents can provoke their children, offering valuable insight. For example, a lack of marital harmony can create tension, forcing children to navigate their parents’ conflicts and fostering resentment. Similarly, maintaining a child-centered home—where everything revolves around the child’s desires—can breed entitlement, leading to anger when the world doesn’t cater to them. Modeling sinful anger, failing to admit when wrong, or humiliating a child through public discipline are other pitfalls. These behaviors create an environment of frustration rather than growth, hindering a child’s spiritual and emotional development.
Instead of provocation, Paul calls parents to “bring [children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This positive command emphasizes faithfulness as the ultimate goal of parenting. Many parents set goals like ensuring their child’s salvation, success, or perfection, but these are misguided. Salvation is God’s work, not a parent’s achievement. Success, while desirable, is secondary to spiritual growth. And perfection is unattainable for both parents and children due to our sinful nature. By focusing on faithfulness, parents are freed from the pressure to be perfect or to control outcomes. Their role is to consistently point their children to Christ through discipline and instruction, trusting God with the results.
Discipline and instruction vary by a child’s age. For young children, discipline often takes precedence, teaching boundaries through consequences like time-outs or privilege removal. Instruction at this stage may be simple, focusing on basic obedience. As children grow, instruction becomes more prominent, guiding them to understand biblical truths and apply them to life. The goal is not merely behavioral compliance but heart transformation. For example, when addressing a child’s misbehavior, such as hitting a sibling over a toy, a parent might guide them to recognize their sin, repent, and seek Jesus’ forgiveness. This approach moves beyond punishment to gospel-centered instruction, showing children their need for a Savior who can change their hearts.
Faithfulness in parenting means consistently modeling Christlike behavior, admitting mistakes, and creating a home where Christ is central. When parents humbly confess their wrongs, they demonstrate biblical justice and reconciliation, fostering respect and trust. By prioritizing Christ over the child’s desires, parents teach submission to authority, preparing children for life’s challenges. Ultimately, the aim is to lead children to Jesus, trusting Him to work in their hearts.
Parenting is daunting, but Ephesians 6:4 offers clarity: avoid provocation and pursue faithfulness. By leading with love, discipline, and gospel-centered instruction, parents can guide their children toward Christ, leaving the outcome in God’s hands. Let this be the goal for every parent—to faithfully point their children to the One who transforms lives.
