Peace in the Panic: How God Carried Us Through a Stroke
Peace in the Panic: How God Carried Us Through a Stroke
Have you ever felt alone in a situation—like God has hit the mute button on your life and isn’t paying attention to what you’re going through or what you’re asking of Him? If we’re being honest, most of us would have to admit that we’ve felt that way at some point during difficult times. It’s that dreaded feeling as if God is absent during that sinking, gut-wrenching moment when you realize, “Uh oh, this is not right,” and you know deep down inside that your world is about to spiral downward because of something that you or a loved one is going through. Ugh, it’s a terrible feeling, like you’re stretching out to grab His hand, but He’s not there. Can you relate? Or maybe it’s just me, hmmm.
In those moments, every second feels like forever, and you think, “This is not happening today,” but in reality, it is—and you’d better be ready.
Recently, my husband, Felix, our son, Anthony and I were getting ready to leave to watch a movie at the theater. Then, just ten minutes before we had to leave the house, I served my husband a quick, warmed up leftover meal from the day before. A couple of bites in, I heard him mumbling something unintelligible. I thought to myself, surely, as usual, he had crammed way too much food in his mouth—those leftovers must be yummy. But after asking him to repeat himself twice, my heart sank as I realized that my sweet husband was having a stroke.
At that moment, my soul desperately screamed out something like, “God, please—don’t let this be happening; help him!” My mind raced with every fear you can imagine, while panic tiptoed in like a quiet thief. I find it strange how, when others are in crisis, I somehow manage to pull it together and speak slowly and calmly to that person. Being calm with others during their moments of crisis is a gift that can only come from Him. However, if I’m having a crisis, I’m a mess! Just ask my family—they’ll tell you. I have essential tremors and am therefore prone to shakes and anxiety. Unfortunately, I lose it and fall apart, consumed by my fears, and start to panic. I suppose God empowers me in this way so that I can help others even though I’m unable to help myself. What grace He has for us. How amazing is He?
Anthony drove us to the hospital as we prayed for healing on the way. While the doctors were caring for Felix, we prayed again in the emergency room. I said to myself, “Maybe God will hear me this time, right?” Because of fear, I began to have unbelief. I had such a sick feeling in my stomach and said to myself, “This just can’t be happening right now.” The one thing I didn’t pray for was peace for me and our son. Oh, but God knew exactly what we needed—even if we didn’t think about it or pray about it at the time—because no more than thirty seconds later, our dear brother and sister in Christ showed up to be with us throughout our crisis. Not only did they feed our hearts with a desperately needed hug, but they were also there with us and fed us a meal. It was like manna for our souls! I feel like God sent them to remind us of His love and special care regardless of our situation. They pointed us to praise God for His blessings, for we discussed how, if this had happened while Felix was driving to the movies, it could have had an awful outcome for many on the road. This is how God works. He is always there for us, but sometimes we need to look back and see His hand at work.
The Bible talks about the Spirit helping us in our weakness when we do not know what to pray. In this case, I have no doubt that God was using them to pray for us when I was unable to do so, as my focus was on praying for my husband. Looking back, however, I can now see that He was taking care of both the big things and the little things: my husband and our peace. What love our God has for us, right!?!
Two passages that helped me were:
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. (Romans 8:26–27)
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:17–18)
God has a special way of taking care of His people through His church. Between the continuous outpouring of love from my church family—their ongoing prayers, concerns, calls, texts, meals, groceries, advice, emotional support, and fellowship—it’s a truly overwhelming blessing to see their generosity. I don’t even know how to express my gratitude at times, so all I can do is cry tears of joy. It’s so edifying to see God’s providential care for us through His people. It brings Felix and me to tears. What love God has for us! This is one of many times our church has been there for us. We feel so rich with such an abundance of loving and caring brothers and sisters.
I can’t say why “bad” things happen to us and to those we love, but I do believe what the Scripture says:
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
I praise the Lord for His providence in our lives and for opening my eyes to see the beauty of His wondrous ways.
So, how is my husband doing, you ask? With a joyful heart, I praise the Lord, reporting that God has been gracious to him and he is back home recovering. He is still struggling with slight slurred speech from time to time and some fatigue, but it is clear that God has answered the prayers of the saints. Hallelujah!
