THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS ABOUT BEING A PASTOR

Being a pastor is a tremendous privilege. However, it is not for the faint of heart. Without the grace and strength of God, no man can survive the ministry.

The Apostle Paul knew these pains all too well. You can see his pastor’s heart expressed in his letters to the Corinthians. His heart was broken repeatedly by the Corinthian backlash and by people believing things about him that simply were not true because of the influence of the so-called “super-apostles.” Perhaps this is why Paul could describe his ministry as “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing” (2 Corinthians 6:10). I concur with that sentiment.

After 27 years in ministry, I have spent many seasons sorrowful and many seasons rejoicing—sometimes both in the same morning. I do not think the average person in the pew fully understands the pains that can come with ministry. Pastors are shepherds, and a true shepherd loves the sheep. A faithful shepherd is one that gets close to the sheep. He feeds, cares, cleans, and protects them. A pastor is one who is invested into the lives of his people. Therefore, when something goes wrong it hurts.

I am writing this because I want those sitting in the pew to understand some of the emotional, mental, and sometimes even physical ramifications that come as a result of pastoral ministry. What people often do not see behind the scenes is the blood, sweat, and tears that go into caring for people.

So I have identified five of the most difficult things, at least for me, about being a pastor. I have experienced all of these over 27 years. A faithful and loving shepherd cannot remain unaffected by the sheep he loves and has been called to watch.

1. APOSTASY

One of the deepest wounds of pastoral ministry is watching people you love walk away from Christ or abandon the faith altogether. According to Scripture, the Lord Jesus warned that many will stand before Him on that final day and hear the terrible words, “I never knew you; depart from me.”  We know apostasy will happen. For even the Lord Jesus had Judas among the twelve.  The Apostle Paul also had Demas who had forsaken him having loved this present world.

When you have built relationships with people, preached to them, prayed for them, counseled them, warned them, pleaded with them, and walked beside them—only to watch them drift into unbelief or fall for false teaching—it hurts.

The pastor begins asking himself, What could I have done differently? What could I have done more? Certainly, there are occasions when a pastor has not been as faithful as he should have been. We are imperfect men. Yet there are also times when a pastor has preached, prayed, warned, counseled, and loved faithfully, and someone still walks away.

2. BETRAYAL

Sometimes the people who hurt you the most are the people you have helped the most. The pain is intensified because pastoral ministry requires vulnerability and affection. It is common in ministry for someone to treat you like a best friend one day and then walk away the next as though they never knew you. I have experienced this many times. This is also one reason some pastors have difficulty developing close friendships. It is not necessarily because they do not want friends. Sometimes they simply do not want to get hurt again.

They have watched people draw close to them when they needed help, counsel, encouragement, or support. Then, after receiving that help, some of those same people have gossiped about them, slandered them, turned against them, or acted as though the relationship never existed. A pastor can begin wondering whether it is safe to let anyone get too close.

3. AMPUTATION

Another difficult part of ministry is simply losing people from the church. People leave for many reasons. Sometimes they move away. Perhaps a job takes them somewhere else. Maybe they grow older and decide they need to live closer to their children or family. You understand. You may even be happy for them. It still hurts.

When you have shepherded someone for years, losing them can feel like losing part of your family. For a pastor who truly loves his congregation, people are not numbers. Losing someone is not about attendance statistics or giving. It is about losing people who have become dear to you. Those losses hurt even when the reasons are good.

Then there are those who leave for bad reasons. Some leave because they approach church as consumers. The church did not offer the program they wanted. The music was not to their liking. The sermons were too deep—or not deep enough. Their preferences changed, so they went somewhere else. It feels like an amputation.

Sometimes people who were deeply involved in the church one day completely disappear the next day. That hurts every time.

Of course, I would rather someone leave for a good reason than a bad one. Yet after enough of these bad experiences, you can find yourself wondering, Who is going to leave next? Pastoral ministry can sometimes feel like taking one step forward and five steps back. Those five steps backward can feel very insurmountable, as if no progress is being made at all.

4. LONELINESS

Pastors regularly carry confidential information about marriages, families, sins, conflicts, addictions, fears, and tragedies. This is information that must remain confidential. Often there is no one the pastor can talk to about those things except the Lord. There is a strange loneliness that can accompany pastoral ministry. You can be surrounded by people and still feel very alone. You can walk into a room full of people while carrying the weight of five different situations that no one else in the room knows anything about. You smile. You preach.

You shake hands. You encourage others. Yet inside, you are grieving over people you love. That weight is real.

Pastors also feel lonely because often there is no one they can turn to. People often go to them but who do they turn to for help? This is why pastors need pastors. This is one of the reasons why a plurality of elders is a necessity.

5. MISUNDERSTANDING

Pastors make mistakes. When we do, we should receive correction. Yet sometimes faithfulness to God itself brings misunderstanding from people.

You can make the right decision for the right reasons and still have people question your motives. Over time, this can cause pastors to begin fearing difficult conversations. Someone says, “Pastor, could I schedule a meeting with you?”

After you have been hurt enough times, your first thought can become, “What did I do wrong now?” Yet enough painful meetings can condition you to expect another wound. That kind of thinking can wear on a man.

PRAY FOR YOUR PASTORS

I am writing all of this because I want people to understand that pastoral ministry is not a life of ease. It often comes with tremendous emotional turmoil, particularly for pastors who are deeply relational and emotionally invested in their people.

This is why many pastors quit. Some eventually leave ministry altogether because it leaves them emotionally and spiritually exhausted. Others accumulate so many wounds and scars that they eventually become numb—either in their relationship with God or in their relationships with people.

So pray for your pastors. God has called them to serve you, but pastors need you too. We do not merely need you to be congregants. We need friends. A pastor is not like your doctor. We do not want merely a professional relationship where you schedule an appointment, receive a service, and then disappear until the next time you need something. Pastors need friends. Pastors need people they can trust. Pastors need people who will laugh with them, cry with them, pray with them, and rejoice with them.

You should know this about your pastors.  They probably care far more deeply than you realize. He probably carries more wounds than you know.

We are sorrowful, yet always rejoicing, but by the grace of God, we continue.